Just Be Still

Less than a year ago, I was unsatisfied with my job. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly WHY I was unsatisfied, but I decided to search for a new gig. Before I could throw my hat in the ring, an opportunity came my way and it wasn’t long before I had an awesome job offer in my hand. The offer was everything I thought I wanted. After considering all the pros and cons, every angle leaned towards YES. But I turned it down.

The employer didn’t expect me to turn it down so they sweetened the deal. I considered the new offer for another day or two, then turned it down again. At the time, I couldn’t explain WHY it didn’t feel right, but my spirit said NO so I listened. Most people were surprised about my choice. But my closest friends understood and I had no regrets.

Shortly after, I began to see a glimpse into my new purpose, but I still felt restless and unsatisfied.

Lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

Walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

I embraced those scriptures and prayed about the things that kept me up at night.

As the months progressed, more things happened to confirm the spiritual warning. Recently, the message was made loud and clear. Once I realized it, I sat in my office and cried. Now, I have NO doubt that I’m exactly where I need to be.

I’ve always enjoyed my career, but the breakthrough isn’t about work at all. As weird as this may sound, my professional responsibilities and work environment are helping me personally and in ways that I never would have imagined. I praise and thank Him for the warning, discernment, and obedience.

In hindsight, I’ve spent the last two years fighting something external and insignificant when God was trying to fix something internal and way more important. He has also shown me (yet again) what my grandmother used to tell me all the time – when you don’t know what to do, just be still. (Psalm 46:10)

A Little This and That

Where I’ve spent the last few days…

Lately, the main things on my mind have been swimming and home decor. I enjoy them both, immensely. Besides work, they take up most of my waking hours – either doing them, researching them, reading about them, talking about them, etc. When I’m focused on something, I become slightly obsessed. I immerse myself into the subject, and once I’m satisfied, I move on.

I’m still in pain daily. A little over a month ago, I received an official diagnosis: Chondromalacia. There is no “cure,” only treatments, so this is something I’ll have to manage for the rest of my life. Now that I know exactly what’s wrong and what to expect, I’m at peace. I started physical therapy (again) today.

As an adult, I have never felt envious of another person. I believed it was because I had a healthy dose of confidence and self esteem. I also believed it was because I can do, have, buy, and accomplish anything I could possibly want or dream.  Until I couldn’t… *sigh* I still get extremely jealous, almost to the point of tears, when I see people running. This is an ugly emotion and I pray to be released from it.

I spent the past 4 weeks here and completed another swim class. I can now swim 25 yards, flip over, and swim on my back. I still need to work on my breathing during freestyle stroke. On June 1st, I will begin private lessons with my favorite instructor at home.

My brother graduated college last weekend. I am sooo proud of him!

I’ve never owned individual stock before, so I’m fascinated when I receive emails that say…

On behalf of [my brokerage name], we’re notifying you about an annual meeting and proxy solicitation for a security you hold. You can click on the link below to view shareholder material and enter your voting instructions. If you choose to vote, you can do so online until 11:59 p.m. (ET) the day before the meeting.

Little old ME gets to vote on something that affects a big old major corporation? I completely forgot that owning “shares” mean you are part owner of the company. So yea, I get to vote! Cool!

Hindsight is 20/20. I thank God for changing me from the inside out.

The time I spend in Home Goods, World Market, and Bed Bath and Beyond is ridiculous! But I love all home decor. Here’s a tiny peek in my kitchen.

My lease is up for renewal and my rent will increase over $100. *faint* I really should buy another house, but this stops me. My conscience says “nope, not yet” and it’s always right. So I will continue to rent.

So far this year, I’ve been to 3 states for mini-vacations, but I want to experience someplace new. The new island and new country vacations are still pending. I’d like to do both, but may only end up doing one or the other. I also made reservations for a solo vacation to a new state later this year. Working on increasing my solo travel experiences. In the future, I just want to get up and go.

Scandal comes on tonight. Yay!

Welp, that is all. Happy almost Friday Thursday!

Secret Sister, Round 2

Another round of the Secret Sister exchange and another surprise that left me smiling from ear to ear. I tore into that box like a kid in a candy store! This time I received…

Pink Miniature Eiffel Tower – I literally screamed when I saw it. Anyone who knows me knows I love Paris. As a young adult, I became obsessed with the City of Lights and dreamed of visiting one day. Then in the summer of 2010, my dream came true and I’ve been in love ever since. After the wonderful vacation, my dreams of visiting turned into dreams of becoming an American expatriate in France. My employer is aware of my goals and a few things are process to find the right opportunity. But until it actually happens, I’ve decided to bring the city to me by decorating my guest bedroom/office with a pink, black, and white Paris theme. This will be a perfect touch!

Pink Stylus + Pen – A stylus for electronics and a real ink pen…how cool is that? And it’s PANK! Score! I bought a 7″ tablet about a year ago but rarely use it because the keyboard is too difficult. Maybe this stylus/pen will help me to like it more. If not, I still have a cute pen for my planner and journal.

Digital Scale – Sure would be nice to weigh my luggage at home  instead of holding my breath and saying a silent prayer when checking in at the airport. Although I’ve recently declared to “pack light” from now on and use only a “carry on” for all future vacations, we know how the best laid plans tend to workout.

Wall Art – It says “Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of God.” A gentle reminder that makes me smile. I’m not sure where I’ll hang it yet, but it will be where I can see it everyday.

I loved everything! The only difference between secret sister round 1 and round 2 is that I immediately knew the identity of my secret sister this time. The combination of gifts (especially the wall art) and the tracking city/state were dead giveaways. LOL! She’s aware of my love for pink, my love for travel, and my current decorating efforts. Thank you Tazzee!

Focusing on the Positive

Yesterday was my first day back in the pool since last October and I suck. I couldn’t keep my body parallel so my head could clear for air and couldn’t keep my butt up while gliding on my back, so basically, I fought the water for 5 laps. But I tried and I’m going to keep trying 2x/wk from now until October. I’ve come a long way since I restarted lessons last year and I will come back to this post in the Fall to compare this year’s progress.

Today is free cone day at Ben & Jerry’s.

I have an adjustable rate mortgage that I’ve been trying to refinance for a few years. Sometimes I get discouraged because I can’t find a lender willing to do it. My income is higher than average. My credit is stellar.  But the value of my home is drowning. However, I have a tenant whose rent covers the mortgage and some. Yesterday, I received a letter from my current lender that said my rate is adjusting (again) and my mortgage payment is decreasing (again).

Last year, I was having a recurring headache that was a dull pain in the lower right side of my head. I was not under stress and the headache was not sensitive to light, so the common causes were ruled out. After a CT scan and several neurologist visits, I was cleared of anything life threatening, but the pain continued. Daily. So I made a few minor changes to my nutrition as a test. And I just realized that I haven’t had a headache in months.

I used to hem and haw over my cell phone bill every month and almost blew a gasket when I received my homeowner’s insurance renewal bill. I reduced my cell phone bill ~$40/month ($480/year!!) and reduced my homeowner’s insurance premium ~$125/year by making a few phone calls and asking questions. Keeping fixed expenses low leaves extra cash to save, invest, and grow.

Thanks to 1 hour of swimming, I slept like a log. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning and my entire body is sore from head to toe. But my knees don’t hurt!

Random Thoughts on Sunday Morning

My house is still. Everything is quiet. No TV, no music, no noise. Just me and my thoughts. Things on my heart. Thinking out loud…

My knees still hurt. Not one, both of them. Daily. It’s been 2 years. Went back to the doctor again, had another MRI. On both. Conclusion? My injury is permanent. It will never heal and only get worse with age. No tears fell. The pain can be managed with meds, physical therapy, and strength building.

I eat healthy 75% of the time. When I have pain, I become an emotional eater. One step forward, two steps back. I know the root of my problem is pain. The pain permeates physically and mentally because it’s a problem outside of my control and the toughest battle I’ve ever had to overcome. But I’m a fighter and I don’t believe in the word can’t.

I felt blessed when I heard this message —> Pass the Small Tests

Swimming lessons begin on Monday. I look forward to improving my skills in the water.

When I pay attention to the details, I realize that things are not as bad as they seem.

I thought I’d spent too much money in March and I felt guilty because I’m not an impulsive spender. When I looked at my spreadsheet, I noticed that I’d spent ~$800 more than usual. What?!?! This really bothered me because I couldn’t remember off the top of my head where it all went. That’s a lot of unaccounted for money. When I finally sat down to review the details, I noticed that I went over the most in savings, gifts, medical, and shopping (home decor). Then I didn’t feel so bad. I love to save, I love to give, I needed medical attention, and I’m trying to make my apartment feel like home – all things that make me happy. Even if I go over budget, when my spending is aligned with what I value, I’m good.

Overall, the first quarter 2013 was pretty good financially. My net worth increased $30k+ and I’m ahead of schedule to meet my annual goal. My fitness goals, not so much.

I love my CollegeGirl BabyGirl. She’s a young adult now, but she will always be my baby. I miss her.

One of my closest friends and her husband are trying to have a baby. She is the sweetest, most thoughtful, nurturing, supportive person I know. They aren’t perfect people, but they have the strongest, most solid relationship I’ve ever seen. I think they will be great parents and I pray that God blesses them with the desires of their heart.

I am much better at controlling my anger. I thank God for changing me. I need to work on forgiveness.

It has been one year since my transfer at work. The first month or two was a little challenging, but the duties are 100% less stressful/demanding so it didn’t take long to adjust. Everyone thought I’d get bored after awhile. I did too, honestly. But I actually like it. In fact, I prefer it. The move was supposed to be temporary, but my new boss wants me to stay. So do I.

There is something I really REALLY want to do for someone, but I don’t know how. This desire has been heavy on my heart for a long time and it won’t go away. Whenever I try to put it out my mind, something says “do it.” I want to. It will greatly benefit another person. It will also make me happy and give me a feeling of purpose. I pray that God will show me the right opportunity at the right time.

I am blessed with family and a small circle of family-like friends. I make an effort to let them know how much I appreciate them and spend time with them as much as possible. But I am most comfortable, most relaxed, most happy, most me when I am alone. With just my thoughts. As I am right now.

Happy Sunday.

My Shoe Addiction

I rarely watch TV, but I’d watch a TV show about shoe addictions. It would feel like an AA meeting, but I’d be in front of the TV every week with a glass of wine. It’s probably why this documentary caught my attention and had me glued to the computer for over an hour. I didn’t want to miss a thing.

Interesting facts:

The most popular women shoe designers are men.
The average woman buys 7 or 8 pair each year.
On average, U.S. women buy the most shoes in the world.
Most women buy shoes and never wear them.
High heel shoe sales account for 60% of all shoes sold.
The high heel shoe is associated with sex and power.
The average heel height went from 3″ to 5″ in a few decades.
Most women do not know how to properly walk in heels but wear them anyway.

Do you have a shoe addiction? How many pair of shoes do you own?

5 Good Things on Good Friday

Hey Y’all! Just wanted to share a few things that made me happy this week.

1. I increased my cell phone services AND reduced the bill by $40/month. On twitter (doesn’t every story start that way?), we had a financial chat about which bill you wish you could cut out or reduce. I responded about paying $125 for my family plan, other people chimed in, one thing led to another, I called T-Mobile the next day, and BAM! I went from unlimited talk, text, web, and hotspot on 1 line contract plan for ~$125 (including tax and employer discount) to unlimited talk, text, web, and hotspot on both lines no contract plan for ~$85 (including tax and employer discount). The taxes are estimated, but my new unlimited family plan with employer discount is only $68. How awesome is THAT!?!

2. I’ve been on a green smoothie kick. I drink 2 a day as meal replacements with a solid meal for lunch or dinner. My favorite mixture is spinach, kale, pineapple, banana, apple juice, flax seeds, and ice. Yum!

3. I’ve been on the hunt for cute wedges to wear this spring and summer. My plan is to buy 4 pair: black, nude, white, and a bright color. I found the cutest black pair with a funky print for $25 and I have a $10 off $25 store coupon. Winning!

4. I’ve had 2 encounters with random strangers – one with a little kid on the elevator and another with an older man while waiting for the shuttle bus. Both encounters left an unexpected smile on my face. When I shared the details, I was advised to expect the unexpected. Noted!

5 – It’s Friday. It’s payday. And I look forward to the weekend.

What’s GOOD with you?

Happy Good Friday!